This is nothing like what I imagined my summer to be. I'm so confused.

I was walking back from the library today, I passed over the bridge at the pond and I just happened to look to my left and there was a lone duck, striding along, quacking occasionally. For some odd reason I was really drawn to this duck. I continued to walk, the duck following parallel to me as we went along the path. A duck is considerably slower than I am so at times I would just stop and stare. I wanted to know where this duck was going, and why it was alone. Usually when I see ducks, I see them paired off or in groups, rarely alone. We continued, the duck and I. People staring at me, wondering why in the world I was watching a duck. Until the duck finally got to the small waterfall we have near the steps. I don’t know about you but that’s a long walk in my eyes for a duck. God revealed to me how, right now, my life is like that duck. He was on a mission to get a drink of water and immerse himself in the water, the clean water. That’s how I strive to be as Christian pushing ahead to get a drink of the living water of Christ. Right now in my life I’m walking it alone. But I am still undeterred. In our walks with Christ there are times when we are plowing ahead and there are times when we slow down. But we keep pushing ahead, like that duck… because we know that what we do is not in vain. This season of the year is known as the time when “love is in the air”. And don’t get me wrong I truly would love to have someone to share my life with. I just know that if I pursue something that’s not of God’s will than I’m only going to be hurting myself. So like the duck, I go at it alone, until God blesses me with someone to share my life with. I am satisfied with where God has me, I yearn for his will in my life. Until he deems me ready I will wait patiently upon him.

The other thing that really struck me about this duck was how I was so drawn to it. When I paid attention to it, others noticed me and then noticed the duck. Basically, in our lives, people are going to wonder what we are doing, why we are walking the path we are. They don’t see the end product, but when they do look, I’ve learned to take that opportunity. I got back to my dorm after this duck incident and underneath my door was a note from one of my residents. I love this girl to death and I’ve really been able to get to know her and invest in her life. The note she wrote me touched my heart and made me realize that our purpose on this earth is not to serve ourselves but to support, carry, and comfort those around us. Yeah it’s tiring. Super tiring. But God is faithful-he will provide everything we need.

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?".”

Esther chose to live out her life according to God’s calling, she risked death, but she didn’t keep silent. God instill that willingness and desire to follow your calling in my life.

why does it take tragedy to bring us to our knees in prayer?

Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

Do we as christians truely understand the battle to which we are willingly preparing for and daily fighting? If you ask me about my relationship with Christ I can tell you that he loves me despite everything, that he disciplines me as a child, and that it's a growing process in which we are friends. Sometimes though, I lose sight of the signifigance of being a sister in christ to those in this world. Fighting the attacks of Satan are not easy, they aren't enjoyable, and many times we willingly take blows for others that don't even affect us personally. Nonchristians look at us dumbfoundedly questioning why we would accept such a battle. In my eyes there is only one option. However, many times we get so caught up in our own lives and difficulties that we don't see those struggling around us. And yes, I'm going to draw a parallel to the movie Nemo.... haha. When the fish are all about to be pulled into the boat they are all so concerned with themselves. They want to save their own lives, but it takes a few fish to bring them all together to realize that they are all going through the same things and if they work together they can overcome the situation. Its so important to be willing to fight for the lives of others.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13

Reckon then that to acquire soul-winning power, you will have to go through mental torment and soul distress. You must go into the fire if you are going to pull others out of it, and you will have to dive into the floods if you are going to draw others out of the water. You cannot work a fire escape without feeling the scorch of the conflagration, nor man a lifeboat without being covered with the waves. [Charles Spurgeon]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, but I want to be that type of person. I want to be used by christ. "Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also the interests of others." Phillipians 2:4

I haven't written in here in quiet some time. Many a day I would get the desire to write down what I was learning or document my life so as to be able to one day, in retrospect, see my growth. Yet, I haven't written until now. It's crazy how the closer you draw to christ the more every aspect of your life symbolizes him to you. I've realized that in continuing to put off updating (though petty as it may be) has been symbolic of how I sometime approach my relatioship with God. Each day I have a strong desire to spend giant chuncks of time with him...and yet other things suck up the precious hours of the day and I'm left only giving him subpar attention. Granted he knows my heart and my desire, but that's not enough. Knowing that someone cares about me and wants to spend time with me is not the same as someone taking the time to do so. So what am I getting at exactly. Well, I've realized that too many times, though my intentions are good, nothing takes place because of it. No nearness to christ, no growth as a person, no peace. At least not with a permanent mindset. Last night I was able to put aside my stressful college life and just sit at my father's feet and it was the most exhilirating experiance. To just sit. I don't know why I continue to let the stresses of this world bog me down. It's absolutely pointless...so what if I don't get great grades...there is more to living on this earth than good grades, or friends, or a career. This doesn't mean that I"m not going to continue to pursue these things. By no means, I know that God has laid certain things on my heart and he wants to use the talents that he's given me to bring more people to him and I'm not about to stand in his way of doing that. I'm still going to study and work hard at college...but I'm just coming at it from a completely different mindset. It's like the Nav's slogan "To know God and make him known." That's what I want my life to be. I've just decided that

"I am satisfied by what tenderness you’ve
Shown to me and I empty all that I am

And you fill my life you’re everything to me
There’s nothing else I need anymore
And I know you are everything to me and
There’s nothing else I need anymore

I have tasted and I know this fire birthed
Inside will only grow and I’ve sought all that
This world tried to offer me and it lead me
To your feet and I empty all that I am

There's nothing else I need!"

I AM completely Satisfied!